Saying Goodbye

This is not our first deployment. We have been doing this for 10 years now, you'd think it would get easier. It absolutely does not. Every single time we have to send Marvin off, we send part of hearts with him. I play through every memory he will not be a part of...again. I worry that our children will begin to doubt how very much they are loved because he is absent so much of the time. I worry that they will feel a huge void because of the decisions we have made. I think about the very lonely evenings after I put the kids to bed. I wonder who I will laugh with at their silly antics. I think about the cold sheets that will greet me each night and cannot help but feel incredibly lonely. And then I dive into the promises of One that will never leave me nor forsake me. I remember why we made the choices we did, following what we knew to be God's will for our family. And in following after Him, He has promised to meet absolutely every need. He will be the Father to my children. As I teach them how very special they are to our Lord, they will have no doubts that they are loved so fully, even beyond what we as their parents on earth can ever love them. Marvin may miss out on many memories, but in those times, we can remember the ones he was here for. I am reminded that even if he were home every second, we could not meet the needs of our children completely. Only God can fully know them and meet all of their needs. All we can do is continue pointing our little ones back to their Father in heaven and trust Him. I smile because my God becomes so much more tangible to me when my husband is gone. I think it makes Him smile when I talk to Him about the silly things. He may not talk in ways that our ears can hear, but He fills me with a peace that is undeniable. The sheets are still cold, but flannel pajamas and warm socks will keep me warm until my hubby returns. Not to mention that the empty space is often taken up by a small warm body...or two :) There will inevitably be tears along the way, I am sure that my Savior understands that, for even He wept. After a few fall, I will shake them off and press on in faith. And the many times I completely fall on my face and start feeling sorry for myself, I'll come back and read these words.