Autism...

That is never a word that I thought much about. My heart went out to other families that had children with Autism, but I never really understood. I'd pray for them as I was aware of a need and then go on with my life. I never really expected to be so closely touched or what that small word actually means. We took Joshua in for his appointment with the Developmental Pediatrician today. I have known that Josh had issues from the time he was a bitty baby, especially after his most recent trouble. However, I was hoping that it was all in my head, as my husband has lovingly suggested each time it has been brought up. My head knew he had Autism, after all he has been treated for "Autistic tendencies" even before he was 2 years old. But my heart would argue that he was just a little quirky, that he is "normal" and will go through life with no more difficulties. My heart was broken today as we sat in the doctor's office and she confirmed what my head already knew. Josh now carries with him an official diagnosis of Autism.

So, many wonder what that means and how it came about. I thought I'd cover a little bit about how our Doctor made this diagnosis and explain a little bit more what happens now(I say a little bit because my head is reeling from all the info that has been thrown to me today!). If you are bored, I won't be offended if you want to move on;). But I thought this would be a good place to put it all out there and hopefully not have to go over the same questions over and over. Although, if something is not answered here, we are very open to answer any questions! Much of this has already been covered in other posts, but I thought it would be good to have it all in one place for me. Like I said, I'm a basket case right now!

I began seeing things that were not right very early in Josh's life. My mommy gut kept telling me something was not right and it kept going back to Autism. I kept reasoning away behaviors and explaining actions, trying to quiet that darn mommy voice. It would work for a bit, but never for long, it kept coming back. His Pediatrician at the time kept putting it off, saying that we should wait, he is slow and he'll probably catch up. When he wasn't talking AT ALL, interacting with us, or even attempting to walk at his 18 month well baby, she agreed that the time for waiting was passed. We began evaluations which led to 5 hours of therapy a week and endless working at home as well. This was a great time as he responded very well to therapy and began saying words, walking, and even playing and laughing with us. So much happened all at once. We were so excited to see such an awesome improvement in only 6 months or so. My Mommy voice was quieted once again. We had to suddenly move 9 months after the therapy started. I was nervous about not having therapy as we would not be in one place long enough to even be seen for evaluations, much less start actual therapy. I continued to work with him, carrying on what we had been doing and he continued to thrive. My mommy voice was still whispering, but small enough that I could ignore it. He was okay, he had Sensory Processing Disorder, but so did Michael and we worked through it, we can do it again! Fast forward to getting here. That mommy voice was almost quieted until this last sickness and then it started screaming at me in tones I could no longer ignore. We saw our regular Pediatrician, who agreed that Josh at the minimum met the requirements to be seen by the Pediatric Developmental Specialist. I filled out about 100 pages of history and questionnaires. Today I brought Joshua in to be evaluated in the flesh. She explained how they diagnose Autism in depth and answered my questions. I really like the way she broke it down for me, so I'll try to put it down here just the way she said it. Autism is like pizza. Every pizza has 3 main parts(crust, tomatoes, and toppings). There are lots of different pizzas, some with spices, some with tons of toppings, others with only cheese...but they are ALL pizza if they have those three parts. Crust is made up of AT LEAST 2 things(flour and water). The "crust" of Autism is social interaction. Josh meets 4 ingredients. The "tomato" of Autism is Communicative skills. Josh meets 2(the other 2 he is too young to test for). The "toppings" of autism are patterns of behavior. Josh meets 3 of these. As our doctor said, he not only meets the basic requirements, he makes up a very tasty pizza. It was hard to hear the words, to have an official diagnosis. It was as though she burst the balloon of hope and replaced it with harsh reality. Nobody wants their child to struggle, it hurts to know that they will face difficulty. But our wonderful new doctor reminded me several times that this is ONLY the beginning. We are starting out in a good place. Josh has made improvements and has shown that up to this point he has responded well to therapies. He has as much potential as any other child, this IS his normal! I know that God will give us wisdom and guide our steps as we make decisions. I can't really explain my emotions right now, they are both very positive and very negative all at once. I've never really been here before. I do ask that you pray for Marvin especially right now. He has always thought this was all in my head, so now he is faced with the fact that it is not. It is confirmed by a specialist who knows what they are talking about. He is where I was a month ago. A place that is dark and not at all fun. I am praying that he will find the same comfort and peace that I have in the grace filled God that we serve. As for the future? We have already started the endless paperwork to get Josh the things he needs. I've talked to our local school, who will be in charge of meeting his "special needs". We have applied for the Navy's EFMP(Exceptional Family Member Program) which ensures that Josh always has what he needs(so they won't send us to crazy places that have no services available!) and also opens up a ton of other services we can use for him. This diagnosis does not change who Josh is(maybe explains some things!), it just provides a good starting point. Please be in prayer as we make decisions about what types of therapies and care Joshua gets. Please pray for rest and peace for all of us! This is not what we would have chosen for our boy, but it is what it is and we will work from here on forward. We follow a God that has plans for Joshua. Just as my mommy gut knew there was a problem, it also screams that we will be okay, that he will be okay!!!