A Little Concerned

After writing about great Josh made it through this sickness without slipping backward, it has been a very tough couple of days for little man. I honestly avoided writing last night because my hope was that we would wake to a new day and all would be "normal", but it was not. I tried to keep my fears to myself, as if speaking them would make them true, but when Marvin commented on some of these behaviors tonight, my heart knew my Mama eyes have seen correctly. He has snapped back into all those terrifying autistic behaviors that so worried us in the past. Surprised...probably not so much...but a little heart broken! He has made such HUGE strides over the last 6 months. After he made it through this illness without setbacks, I had really convinced myself that maybe all the Autistic talk was crazy, he is fine and will be fine. He potty trained himself literally over night, he's gone to Sam's preschool class several times and done well, he is making huge strides in speech, is playing and interacting with his siblings. He was dressing himself and was gaining independence in almost everything. Suddenly yesterday morning, it all came to a screeching halt. I have seen this before and sometimes it lasts only a day or two, other times it lasts for days and weeks on end. I have no answers or causes. I hope that, like the times before, he snaps out of it and begins making progress again, but not knowing that he will leaves me so heavy hearted. I know that independent little man is in there, I just wish I knew where he hides, why it happens, and if/when my boy will be back. Joshua has stopped going potty, he has stopped interacting with his brothers and with us really...at least appropriate behavior, he is once again attached to bunny(like to the extreme!), and back to lining up toys, and constant whining instead of real words. I just don't understand. I don't know that it can be Autism, because it comes and goes, but when it comes, the behavior is like reading Autism symptoms right out of a textbook. I plan on taking him in to start the process of getting him evaluated and starting his services back up. To be honest, since we've been here, I had convinced myself that there is nothing wrong, that he is really late and needed time to adjust. This huge regression, so quick, has jolted me back into reality more than a bit, and let me say that reality is NO fun at all sometimes! We will make it through this, we will go on this adventure together as a family, but this Mama heart is just so sad tonight to know that my boy is once again in hiding. I pray that it is just a bad couple of days, that he will wake up tomorrow and it will all have been a big overreaction on my part. But I know where we have come from and I am sad to think that we might be sinking back into that. Please pray for Joshua. Pray that we find wisdom in the doctors and therapists that we will work with. Pray that I will continue to look at my Lord, basking in His glory and Peace, with Faith that He already has this journey figured out. He knows how it all ends and I so want Him to use it to get glory!